Keep your Kids Safe People

It turns out that I am not too good at this whole blogging thing. I find myself recalling funny stories for friends and having them tell me that I need to write this stuff down. I agree, and start to do just that, only to stop because I'm not getting it "right." But I am determined to try again...if only to make my kids miserable when they grow older and read what I put out here for everyone to read.
So...what's on my mind today? A news story about TV's falling on young children and killing them. We've all heard the horror stories of this happening. I even took precautions against that happening by getting rid of our very old, heavy TV in the playroom when my kids started walking (read climbing). They now have a smaller, but much safer, flat screen mounted to the wall. But even I thought I might be being a little overprotective on that one. It has literally shaken my soul to think about something like that happening to any one of my friends or family. Please, please take precautions to keep your kids safe.

That is all. I promise not to start preaching at you, but I had to share this one thing.

I can do it...by myself!

I've never considered myself a nervous mother. Scheduled, sure. But not nervous. I've even had many people remark on how calm I am. But I've recently discovered that I am, in fact, very nervous...about venturing out alone with my boys. In fact, I just don't do it unless I have to. To a certain extent, it makes sense. I mean, going to the doctor alone with two toddlers could break even the toughest parents out there. And my kids are too young to play without any assistance at the park. So another adult is almost a requirement for if (read when) they opt to go in two completely different directions. But there is no reason that we can't go many places alone, and even have a good time doing it. Especially if they are in a stroller. But even if they are not. I recently had to sign them up for their first Toddler Tunes class alone. And I dreaded the whole thing. But it had to be done. And you know what? They were fine. They are two, and had to be told no a few times. But that would be the case no many how many willing helpers I might have with me. So why am I so nervous? You know the answer already, don't you? It's because that as well behaved as they are, they are still two. Which means that one or both of them might decide to throw a tantrum at any given time and I am scared that I will not be able to handle it alone. If someone else is there, at the very least we can physically control the situation by picking them up and removing them. But have you ever tried removing two misbehaving children at the same time? It can (and has) been done. But not without a lot of embarrassment. I feel like every eye in the place is on me, judging me for being too harsh...or not harsh enough. And that's when I have help! And make no mistakes, kids know when your defenses are down. And they know exactly how to go in for the kill. But, I am their mom. And not just their mom, but their stay at home mom. So, I am going to have to put on my big girl panties and start venturing out with them...alone. We'll start small. Today, when they wake up from their naps, we'll take a stroller walk to the summer market. Which won't be much different than a thousand other stroller walks we have completed. It'll just have an actual destination thrown in. Tomorrow, maybe we'll come up with something else....

Play Areas

I just came across this facebook post from November 2009 - Summary of my 1st day as a SAHM: Tyler wakes up with a red, swollen, goopy eye. Mommy and Grandma pack up both kids to go to Mommy's Cardiologist. Then off to the Pediatrician. Lunch. Chandler starts getting yucky eye. Aunt Kat watches boys so Mommy can take her class. Mommy puts boys down for nap, but they wake up before the lasagna is finished. Mommy sends out an SOS to Grandma...Success???

I'm kind of surprised after a day like that that I still wanted to be a SAHM. I guess you've got to go big or go home. Maybe God was starting me off with a bang so my job would seem easier after the illness was over?

And now a word about play areas... These are the bad weather solution for parents who have kids afflicted with cabin fever. They are wonderful. A nice, confined area for the kids to run around and play with some degree of safety. They are not the cleanest places on the planet, but kids get dirty no matter where they are. And I can often drink an entire large Mocha in relative peace while we are visiting. But...I am on constant guard to make sure that my children are safe and playing nicely. And it would make my day if all of the other parents were paying a bit of attention as well. Take yesterday, for instance. One of the little girls in the McPlayplace brought a bottle of bubbles with her. And then proceeded to spill (or dump) those bubbles inside unnoticed. I saw another little girl enter the area with napkins and thought "what are they up to?" Then I saw them clearly trying to clean something up. Then I saw the mostly empty bubbles container. The girls left that area with my boys still in there, and who knows what mess, so my mom went in to inspect and clean up any leftovers. The little girl's mother never even noticed. Not even when the girl thought she might get in trouble and went to confess. She didn't notice until the person across from her pointed out my mom cleaning it up. And even then, she didn't offer to help or apologize. And then...she gave the girl another bottle of bubbles!!! Seriously?!?!

I am not going to lie. I am absolutely "that mom" when it comes to my kids' safety. But...I fight it with every fiber of my being. I try to let them figure things out on their own. I do not go into the play area unless absolutely necessary because I figure it's better for them to figure things out on their own. My philosophy is that if they can't do it on their own, they shouldn't be doing it. But I'm not going to let them get hurt either. And I'm not going to let them hurt someone else's child...even if they might "deserve" it.

As a parting thought, I understand that you can't keep your child home in bed for every runny nose. But please, please, please don't take them to the play area and then have a conversation with your companion about how this is the first outing you've had in a week because of the horrible flu your child has and that you dressed him in shorts because you weren't sure the fever was gone.

Stare if you Must

Is it just me, or does the entire world stop and stare when one (or both) of my boys act up in public. As soon as they start acting out, I immediately go into critical soothe mode. Anything and everything must be done to SHUT HIM UP! But then reason kicks in. And, for better or worse, I try very hard to maintain the discipline we work so hard on at home. Which means that I am all too often "that mom" in the stores. The mom that people are staring at because her kid is screaming. The mom who is giving her kids a timeout in the Home Depot parking lot. The mom who is hauling her kid, kicking and screaming, out of the grocery store to sit in the car while he cries his heart out because he would not listen to reason.

Not so long ago, a friend was complaining about a mom breezily shopping while her baby cried in the car seat. They were appalled at the mother's lack of attention being paid to the child. I wish I had been there to give that mother a little support. Because it is unlikely that she didn't care that her baby was crying. She probably knew that nothing she could do would soothe the baby at that point. And she was most likely trying to get in and out of that store as quickly as humanly possible.

And then there was the time that my companion complained about the mother who wasn't doing anything to control her kids during a flight. I saw a mom that was travelling alone with 3 small children. This was long before I had any children. Today, I would ask the mom if she wanted me to hold her baby for a bit so she could get a break. Back then, I could only think to offer what I hoped was a supportive smile.

I would give anything for a supportive smile some days. Instead of the evil eye because I dared put my children on leashes. It was not my intention to "walk" them like dogs. But rather, I was hoping that if my one year old twins were not willing to hold my hand that I would have a measure of safety in the very large and crowded museum. Admittedly, it didn't work. They strained at their leashes, in opposite directions of course, and we never got anywhere. And I put them, kicking and screaming, back in their strollers. And then we practiced walking nicely in the house for months before we tried it out of the house again.

I don't believe there is one right way to do things. And I am willing to listen to your point of view. But in the end, I am going to make the choices that I feel are right for my kids. And if that means that you are going to stare at me while I try to gain control of the situation, then bring it on!

Potty Training Begins

If someone had told me that some day, I would be flipping out over my kids going to the bathroom, I'd have told them they were crazy. But I have never been more proud as yesterday when Tyler asked me to go poop on the potty...and then did! And then Chandler followed with his very first controlled pee pee in the potty. We are in no way shape or form potty trained. But we are making our first steps. Which is a relief considering Chandler's habit of removing his clothes and diaper (and his brother's) whenever the opportunity arises. And then painting with whatever he finds in there. My mom tells me that it's only fair since I myself was a poop painter. But she was able to sew me into my sleeper and solve the problem. Not us. We put Chandler in a backwards sleepsack, over his sewn up sleeper. In the morning, we woke up to a completely naked child. That's when we started duct taping his diaper on. And then, when he couldn't get his diaper off, he held Tyler down and took his clothes and diaper off. So now we also have to duct tape Tyler's diaper to keep Chandler from taking it off. If I wasn't living it, I wouldn't believe it.

Stay at Home Mom

My mom once told me that when my brother and I were young, she had a phone installed in the bathroom because we loved bath time. In today's world of cell phones, that may not seem like a big deal. But there was a time, not too long ago when we didn't all have a phone attached to our hips. And not too long before that, there weren't even any cordless phones. A phone in the bathroom was a huge extravagance. But I can tell you right now, I would have done it too. Bath time is the one time that my two wild and crazy boys are happy to be confined to a small space for a long period of time. You will often catch me giving my kids a bath in the middle of the day just to try to keep them happy while I enjoy a book or a little facebook on my cell phone. On some days, my mobile facebook is my only connection to the outside world. But that was my choice. Well, mine and my husband's choice anyway. In a day and age where women are bending over backwards to prove they can do it all with a successful career and a happy family, we made the decision to not do it all. When the opportunity presented itself, we decided to take the plunge to allow me to be a full-time Stay at Home Mom. Not that I think there is anything at all wrong with being a working mom. My heart just wasn't in it anymore. I wanted to be in the trenches, raising my kids as best I could. And my husband supported that ideal. And let me tell you, if it wasn't for the support from my family and friends, I never would have survived. The words "it takes a village" have never meant more to me than since I began staying home full time. Because no one can really stay home full time. The kids and I would hate each other. I don't say that lightly. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. At least this heart. My mom is always willing to go with us on errands, or watch the boys for my numerous doctor appointments. My husband makes it a point to get me time out of the house so I can collect my sanity and he can have some much needed alone time with his sons. And my friend, Sarah, is one of the most giving people I know. She has been there for us literally since day one. When she heard about the unexpected delivery of the boys, she came to our house and set-up every baby item that had not yet been completed. And I could never repay her for all of the help she has given us since then. Mike, Sarah and my mom are the reason that so many of you think that I am such a wonderful mother. So to them I say Thank You!

"Are they twins?"

Some people that have multiples get sick of being asked about them. I don't. I've always thought twins were very cool and I can understand other's curiosity. Comments like "Double Trouble" aren't very inventive, but I don't get upset by them. When people tell me "Better you than me," I simply agree. Because I could not imagine my life without twins. They now define a large part of who I am. So I have absolutely no problem discussing if they are identical or fraternal with you. I'm happy to debate with you about the pros and cons of having two at one time versus two of different ages. And yes, please tell me about your own twins experience. I love to commiserate with parents in the same boat as me, or who are just entering the twins arena with infants. I also really enjoy talking with parents who "survived" having twins. And I am happy to hear from twins that can tell me a little about what may be going on inside my boys' heads. But I am so grateful that the comparisons to Jon & Kate plus Eight and Octomom have stopped. I don't know why anyone would think that two babies is in any way similar. I think IVF is a wonderful thing. And I absolutely would have done IVF if it was the only way to bring my babies into this world. But I would NEVER put my babies at risk by implanting so many embryos.

And why do people feel the need to "argue" with me about my twins. A typical conversation with a stranger when they were first born went something like this..."Are they twins?" "Yes they are." "Are they identical?" "No, they're fraternal." "But they look so much alike." "Well, they are brothers..." Nowadays we get a much more mixed reaction. Some people still ask if they are identical. Most people still ask if they are twins. But every once in a while someone will insist that they can't be twins because one is so much bigger than the other. This one always cracks me up. At their last check-up, they were about a pound different in weight and a quarter inch different in height.

People also ask me a lot if these are our only children. Yes they are. Not because they are a handful and we'd never think about having more children. But because I cannot risk another pregnancy. It wouldn't be fair to the children we already have. Does it make me sad? Of course it does. There is a big difference between choosing not to have any more children and having the decision made for you. But I have come to terms with it and I am so grateful that we got two for one.